The Perks of Being a Wailord
by MCEProd22
Summary: After Ash says goodbye to Iris and Cilan he takes thier departure too hard. (Based on the final part of the Perks of Being A Wallflower, though not a direct crossover.)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N The goverment shutdown affected Pokebang though this I had on standby... Enjoy and tell me if I should move this out of a crossover status or not. Like mentioned this is based on the suicide scene and Logan Lermans conversation with Nina Dobrev in the movie.**_

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My room, my empty room my room that somehow I have spent less time in the past 7 journeys I've been on then in my first 14 years of life. I look through every one of my past outfits that mom put together for me. First my home region, Orange Islands, and Johto, almost nostalgic and yet there is something off about it. Hoenn follows suit, I always did like that hoodie, and the all black trim. Of the outfits Sinnoh I was not a fan of mainly due to the sweater vest. Last is my current white and blue Unova wear and that just made me sigh more.

What is it about all of these outfits and my journeys that just made me feel so empty. Sure I've made tons of fiends both human and Pokémon and have gotten to the semifinals of every league since Indigo and winning that trophy in the orange islands. But why is it that it just doesn't feel like it's enough.

Then the thought smacks me…

_"I'm just going through the motions now."_

The motions, I leave for a new region team rocket swipes Pikachu and I end up meeting either a rookie trainer or an up and coming expert. We go on a journey together and they get stronger along with me. In the end however they leave. They all leave, and now even with Alexa's offer to go back to Kalos with her I'm left to think…

_They all will leave anyway…._

Then come the flashbacks… from what mom has mentioned about dad and his own journey that he took before they met and him disappearing right before I was born. Whatever motion I was feeling before just got far worse then I could have imagined.

_"Why can't I stop crying…?"_

The tears were flowing badly I just got out of my room and went downstairs. Mom took Mimey and Pikachu over to Professor Oaks to get them checked out. So I was alone in the house the kitchen seemed like the best bet.

_"Bagels do sound good."_

The fridge was easy getting the bagels separated…Not so much. The bagel slicing did allow me to slice a new perspective on things.

_"Moms knife."_

The shine in its polished silver blade twinkled back in my eye. One slice and the pain goes away, no more loss no more struggling no more saying goodbye.

There was one person I did want to say goodbye to however and yet I do not think she was there right now but I needed to hear her one last time.

The number I've known by heart now so many times I could dial it without even blinking, it takes a bit before I hear the connect tone.

_"Cerulean City Gym and Aquarium this is Daisy how my I help you."_

The voice was a bit unexpected. _"Daisy?"_

_"Ash…Were you looking for Misty?"_

It took me a bit before I could respond... "Yeah."

_"She's out right now can I take a mess…"_

_"Should I have ever stolen that bike from her Daisy…? If I had never stolen that bike I never would have met her and she wouldn't have come with me…Then Brock wouldn't have joined and I never would have had to let them go. Or Tracy, May, Max, Dawn, Iris, and Cilan any of them...Maybe I'm not supposed to be here maybe I..."_

My rumbling could be overheard by Lilly as she walked by with Starmie all set to get it back into the pool.

_"Daisy who's on the…"_

_"Lil, call Officer Jenny and send her to Pallet, do not tell Misty…I think Ash is trying to kill himself…"_

Lilly rushed Starmie to the pool then headed for a private office as Daisy turned back to the phone.

_"Ash listen, Misty is on her way over and I'm sure your mom and Pikachu are on there way back…"_

The line went dead as the look on Daisy's face went blank… _"Not Pikachu…"_

I looked at the phone in my hand _"Even Misty doesn't want anything to do with me…None of them do."_

The knife looked more and more promising. I went around locking every door. Not wanting anyone to see this. As I set myself up to think of the last thing I'll ever say the tears were just flushed red on my face.

_"Mom, Misty, Pikachu…Everyone…Thank you…"_

The door was thudding really hard as the edge of the knife inched close to my neck.

_"ASH NO!"_

My vision went black as the last thing I could see was Officer Jenny and 3 deputies rush in one catches the knife just after it pokes me in the neck…


	2. Chapter 2

_"Ash….Ash…Ash…"_

I hear a voice calling out to me from the dark…

_"Ash…wake up son…"_

The figure becomes clear _"Dad…"_

_"This isn't the way out… Ash you know this…"_

His voice starts to become familiar _"What do you mean…"_

_"Most Pokémon Masters don't take the easy way out just cause they can't adapt to all the changes around them."_

That got me angry…_"Why do you talk about change when you left me and mom…"_

_"Because I was given 9 months to live and I knew I wasn't going to see you live to age 10, receive Pikachu; meet the people in your life that mean the most to you. Ash I lived my life saw the world met many Pokémon made great lifelong friends in all the corners of the world, and met the reason for your very life today. Before I said goodbye to Delia I told her to be strong, not to worry and to give you all the strength, the strength you would need for your future."_

_"Dad I…"_

The figure became clearer and then I got a great look at him, let's just say I did get his best traits.

_"Ash, son you'll always have me watching over you…I love you son….Now please wake up…"_

The figure popped away from the sun and a light shown in its place I moved toward it getting brighter until…

_"Ash?"_

I woke up in a hospital room with a clear open view of the Kanto Bike Road in all its glory. I'm in Celadon General Kantos best Hospital.

_"Well Ash, you finally decided to join us."_

My vision was a bit better but the figure was a bit shock inducing. Then it dawned on me who it was.

_"Dr. Procter?"_

_"A long time it's been Mr. Ketchum."_

On the initial journey I took with Misty and Brock, Pikachu ended up choking on an apple and when a team rocket plot caused massive injuries that jammed nearby Pokémon centers we met Procter at a small non Pokémon clinic. We caused him to care about his job and changed his outlook on life.

_"Sir, what happened, why am I here?"_

_"Well Ash, that knife you dropped nicked your Carotid artery you lost a lot of blood. The transfusion knocked you out for 3 weeks._

_"Why am I still here I wanted…"_

_"…To kill yourself? You very nearly did with your reckless outlook. Ash long ago you and 3 others brought me back from the brink of losing my identity. My new lease on life allowed me to improve my clinic and score two great things, the love of my life Nurse Joy, and this position at Celadon General teaching the art of healing both People and Pokémon."_

I was nearly on the burst of tears when Procter shushed me.

_"It's because of your dad wasn't it?"_

My initial shock gripped the resolve of looking at the flowers and gifts all set by my bedside.

_"Ash, you have a problem with adapting to change and never embracing new dreams and opportunities. Ever since you were young you had a fear of people leaving you, but the one thing you did Ash was leave. You left home with Pikachu to become a Pokémon master, you met Misty, Brock, Tracey, May, Max, Dawn, Iris and Cilan. All who love and care about you think of what your death would have done to all of them your Pokémon especially. The reason Pokémon are kept out of hospitals is cause of the assisted suicide factor. So Ash, you can either take the easy way out or just live for the infinite moment and reach your dream."_

All of the gifts shined with tags and names all of the people who do care about me. No matter how much I want them with me for the long haul I had to let them live, that's what dad meant he didn't abandon me and neither did my friends.

_"Procter, you just pulled me back from the brink."_ I flashed him a humble smile and felt along my neck. The bandage and tubing were a bit hard to pull but I could see why.

_"Has anyone asked for me?"_

_"Why yes actually I believe a student of mine and two others have. Come on in guys."_

The door swung open and I now knew who he was talking about. Mom had tears in her eyes with that warm smile, Brock in his white coat and scrubs, and Misty smiling humbly and thankful.

_"Hi guys."_

Procter nodded at the three of them and walked on out.

_"Hi Ash how's it going." _Misty nervously said.

_"I'm alright Misty just kind of felt lost for a minute there."_

Misty walked up right by my bedside knelt down and viciously slapped my face hard. Mom attempted to rush to my side but Brock held her off as he could tell it needed to be said.

_"How dare you do that Ash Ketchum, …you know how much you mean to your mom, Pikachu, Brock, the group,…ME…"_

Misty then fell down into my lap crying a storm. Mom came around the side to my right.

_"Ash, I know you have a problem with people leaving but don't bl…"_

_"Mom I know everything and I'm ok with it really I am."_

Mom then followed suit and joined Misty crying into my lap. I turn to Brock who is checking over my charts hanging off the side.

_"How does it look Doc Brock?"_

_"Everything is checking out ok Ash, but I do have a concern."_

_"What is it?"_

_"Ash were supposed to be friends and based on what your mom mentioned to me when you were initially admitted, a little bit damaged. You know you can talk to me about anything right."_

_"That must have slipped my mind I'm sorry about that. I'll tell you what next time I'm in Celadon I can buy you lunch."_

_"That can be arranged, but first you might want to look down."_

At that point I now noticed that both Mom and Misty had fallen asleep in my lap. Brock nodded at me and left the room presumably to go find pillows and blankets. There was one thing certain, no matter how much I wanted to not have the pain of departure on my mind, there are a few who will never leave my side. Right now I wanted them right near me, right now I wanted this feeling to not end.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Two to Go Enjoy!**

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_"Ash, do you want some Castelia Cones, Professor Juniper sent them."_

My head simply nodded as I grabbed the cone from her. The kitchen table did seem a bit more lifeless then it had been. Ones presence without your most trusted companion can't go unnoticed, and for me it was long indeed.

_"Mom, how longer does it have to be?"_

_"Ash, its only just one more week, I know you're missing Pikachu but that was the reason he and Mimey had to be taken out was until you fully recovered."_

My suicide attempt revoked my rights as a trainer for the duration of my hospital stay. I was due to get Pikachu back within a week. I know mom was sad due to the fact that Mimey had to also be kept out as I was to have no contact with any Pokemon during the month. The repel mom has used on the house has been nuts. Now of course the talk of my future plans began to take shape as we both dug into the ice cream.

_"So Ash, Alexa called asking for you?"_

_"She did."_

_"Yes, I told her to call back but she was to not come at least until next week. You know I don't have a problem with you going out on a journey but after the events of the past few weeks…"_

I grabbed a napkin to wipe away the tear forming on her cheek.

_"Mom, that was a bad timing for me and I really couldn't take it. But I'm better, I've handled myself before, and you know Pikachu will always keep an eye on me."_

Mom looked at me long in thought then came the doorbell.

_"Who on earth could that be?"_

As she got up and went for the door I pondered who it could be, ruling out Misty and Brock cause they were all over me during my hospital stay; May, Dawn, or my favorite Unovan rival combo of Trip, Burgundy and Georgia.

_"Ash, there's someone here to see you, she says her name is Jessie."_

Two simple words came through my mind _"Oh Crap._" I moved for the door trying to block it or at least get in front of her.

_"Mom don't let her in."_

_"Ash, really after all that you went through and put me through do you really want to do this."_

_"Mom I've told you about Jessie, James and Meowth the Team Rocket Trio that always follows me and tries to swipe Pikachu."_

_"Now Ash, she looks like she is alone and you need to start trusting people a bit more. I can hold you back from going out, you know you always hear of the ten year olds leaving on a journey but what about the ones who have their parents refuse."_

I knew when I was stymied so I backed away from the door.

_"Send her in but if Meowth shows up call Officer Jenny, ok."_

Mom nodded and I went to the living room to sit down, I could see mom whispering something ineligible to Jessie as she came in and stared at me.

_"Can I get you something to drink?"_

Jessie looked at her and nodded as mom left the room and turned to face me.

_"Where have you been twerp."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"In the past month we have not seen you or any of your twerpish friends on the road, or anywhere for that matter."_

I sighed heavily.

_"Now I found out that you had an episode and almost killed yourself, do you really think that our constant presence can drive you to do that? If that was the case than I do apologize, but twer…but Ash…"_

_"Jessie, you almost never call me anything but twerp…"_

_"Ash look, we may spend all of our days trying to capture your Pikachu, but you have a purpose too, sending us on our merry way by zapping us off into the distance."_

_"Jessie it sounds like you are going through the same motions as well."_

_"What you describe as motions gives us our purpose, James and I if we weren't involved with Team Rocket would have given anything to try to have a Pikachu like yours, all we got is that know it all Meowth and you know how he is. Ash you want to be the very best like no one ever was, well your constant clockwork of our lives is sending us blasting off over and over."_

Jessie's sincere statement almost made me chuckle. If what Procter said made me come back from the brink, and what Misty said gave me my determination back, Jessie just gave me my confidence pick up. I was now more than ready to move forward with my dream.

_"So when should I expect you guys to start interfering with my life again."_

_"As far as I'm concerned you've earned a reprieve for now, but we'll be back soon."_

Mom came back and gave Jessie the drink which she quickly downed, Jessie without saying a word went for the door and I followed her out. She was one step away from turning onto the route when I caught her.

_"Hey Jessie?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"How do you 3 survive getting launched so far into the distance?"_

_"Ash, lets just keep that a mystery for now ok."_

I smiled and waved her off.

_"Jessie from Team Rocket is blasting off again. Wow that sounds wrong but what can you do."_

With a twinkle into the night she was gone. I went back in and mom sent me off to bed, I figured I could give her that at least.

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_**A/N: Next part coming up will be the end plus I have a two part epilogue to tie this all up in a bow. Stay tuned.**_


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